INDIA: Of Men, By Men, All for Women

Men don't cry. Most men don't enter the kitchen or change baby diapers either. Most men resent their wives working and contributing financially to the household. These stereotypes may dominate our minds but across India, there are several men working with and mobilizing men solely on women's issues. They work in villages and cities in many states to fight patriarchy — be it to welcome women in the workplace or stop indiscriminate swearing with 'gali bandh classes'.

Ashok Kumar, 42, who heads a hotel workers union in Delhi, has sensitized thousands on women's rights. Four years ago, when he started engaging with workers on gender issues, most were hostile. Ashok of Delhi-based Forum to Engage Men recollects that very few workers used to turn up for monthly meetings to discuss such issues. "It took us years. We pointed out the incentives of empowering women, we would tell them how if their wives also start earning, their financial status would improve and they can give better education to their children," says Ashok who will engage bus drivers and conductors in Delhi soon. His group is demanding the recruitment of women bus conductors so that drivers and cleaners learn to interact with them.

In Maharashtra, Shakti Suresh Jamdade, 30, works with men in at least 100 villages. He quotes the example of a man in Sangri village who was so abusive that his wife would desperately wait for him to go to work and wish he never returned. Then, the other men recruited him into the forum and one day, the man burst into tears, realizing his mistakes. "This shows that men's movements are successful," says Jamdade. Even though men's forums are few, Jamdade feels men can engage with men more comfortably and hence bring about better results. One sign: in one such village, men are opting for joint property ownership with their wives.

Sanjay, who uses only his first name, works with students in eight universities in Uttar Pradesh. An associate professor of social work at Kashi Vidyapith University, Varanasi, and co-founder of Men's Action to Stop Violence against Women (MASVAW) says students who are part of the forum learn to take responsibility for domestic work. "Many of them who got married later refused dowry, help out at home and do their bit in taking care of the children." He adds, "Men's movements are complimentary to feminist movements. Their work will be incomplete if men don't participate or take responsibility." Manish, from MASVAW in Gorakhpur, organizes 'Gali bandh' classes to set right men and women who use foul language.

Abhijit Das, director of Delhi's Centre for Health and Social Justice, who also teaches community medicine at Washington University, has been associated with a number of global and South Asian men's forums. "One of our studies showed that men too gained from such interventions. The emotional distance with the female member in the family is reduced. There is better bonding, it is also seen that such men enjoy deeper friendships with their male friends. In short they get back in touch with emotions," explains Das.

Harish Sadani started Men against Violence and Abuse ( MAVA) in 1993 and is now being flooded with queries about when he will start working with men in Delhi. Currently, he works with students of six colleges in Mumbai and in several villages of Maharashtra. Despite many success stories, Sadani feels there is not enough attention or funding for such movements. "In US and Australia there is a lot of scholarship for men's work. But in India, masculinity is still unexplored. It is a pity because 'gender' doesn't mean only women. Patriarchy is over 5000 years old in India and masculinity here is in a state of crisis," he says.