NEPAL: Boys Speak on Household Gender Roles

While it's been common for women to be fighting for gender equality and to be advocating for change in Nepal's patriarchal society, what remains mostly unheard of is the voice of males regarding this matter.

As Kathmandu progresses, the line between how sons and daughters are raised in an urban setting has already begun to evolve.

In this week's chitchat, Republica sat down with three young men to get the male perspectives on the attitude of gender equality in Nepali households today.

“I think the situation has improved a lot in the cities. Boys and girls aren't treated that differently. There are co-ed schools, and it's a help,” begins Adnan Shah, 20.

Bibhu Poudal, 19, agrees and talks about how gender roles are blurred in his home. “My sister was born when I was six. No one was there to help, so I would cook and wash the dishes. It wasn't the most efficient, but it was help.”

Darshan Jain, 19, acknowledges that roles are blending. “There are still female roles and male roles that exist,” he says.

Adnan expands by saying, “It seems to be an indoor/outdoor thing. Women are usually in the house and in the kitchen, and men are sent out on errands. Even if they're helping with the house, their work is outside.”

As to why that might be the case, Adnan offers an explanation. “The area that I live in, probably 50 percent of them are illiterate, and there's the notion that females shouldn't be out that much, especially at night. Girls are restricted, some by their families. There's a gap where it's okay for sons to be out, but daughters are on a schedule and have stricter curfews.”

According to him, all households should have some sort of division of labor. Although in his house there was no forcing to responsibilities, Adnan brings up that his sister wasn't “taught” housework but that she automatically took up responsibilities, like cooking.

As for him, “I didn't do much until I went to a hostel in India. Then I learnt to take care of myself,” and since then he's been more than willing to help in the house.

“Men are changing too,” Darshan brings up. “Their attitude has changed, they're taking roles in the kitchen and garden and helping their mothers and wives.”

As to why this might be happening, he explains, “It's the effect of education and globalization - it's definitely decreasing the gap between gender roles in the house.”

More than just cooking and being told to come home earlier, there are still a few ways in which girls aren't given the privilege of boys in Kathmandu.

“I have a female friend who isn't allowed to have her friends over,” says Bibhu, and adds, “I even have a neighbor who built a house with really high walls. Later, we found out it's because he has three children, of whom two are daughters.” His point being daughters are still “overprotected.”

Darshan has a view on the contrary. “I think in some ways girls are given more freedom. Boys are given more freedom and are spoilt. They're more likely to go out and drink and smoke. But girls are trusted more, so in some ways they get more freedom now.”

Perhaps because of this, he further says, “I'm more optimistic about females being given equal opportunity.” Adnan agrees, “The idea of ‘women need to study this' isn't around as much anymore. My sister's been allowed to pursue whatever she wants. She's not oppressed.”

All the men agree that education is the key in changing the way daughters are treated.

“Even three or four years ago, not as many women were going to study abroad. But now that's changing,” says Darshan, and Bhibu adds that there are quotas which promote education for women.

But education alone isn't enough to bring immediate changes, as there are still double standards. In Adnan's opinion, “The biggest obstacles are castes and cultures - that's what's blocking men and women. If anyone tries to do something different, society makes it difficult. Changing will take a hell lot of time.”

Bibhu offers another reason as to why women are still undermined in families. “Women themselves are the biggest obstacle for women.

There are issues between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law and also mothers and daughters.” Darshan adds his own valid point: “If women themselves don't understand each other, how can we?”